My eldest son was born nearly 16 years ago. At that time, I was working full time and scrambling to make ends meet. I worked for a while and then decided to go to graduate school. I worked throughout grad school too. Always working outside of the home, always doing work I enjoyed. All in all, I was one very busy gal. I both loved and hated it. It felt great to be in the career world but I missed the opportunity to be home with my son. And he really could have benefited from my being home. He has always been a wonderful child with a great sensitivity and wonder at the beauty of the world. He also has some pretty severe learning issues that impact his life every day.
Now I know I am leaving out much detail but let's just fast forward to Winter 2005. We (my husband and I) found out we were going to have a baby. How exciting, how terrifying. Just like the first time around for me when I learned I was pregnant...excited and terrified. The issues this time around were different of course; 14 years of experience as a parent (both single and married) provides great perspective and nuance to one's world view.
The issues of 16 years ago - generating income, being a mom, raising a child, creating/maintaining a career - were not quite the issues for child number 2. With this pregnancy I was able to think about what is important to me and my family. Driving 1 1/2 to 2 hours one way for work and then working a 9-10 hour day before returning home exhausted lost all its appeal. How could I do such a thing to my not-yet-born child? We couldn't. Once he was born I just never returned to work.
Perhaps I should list a few of the things on the "Important to Me and My Family" list:
- Good health
- Lifestyle inclusive of physical activity...aikido, bicycling, running, hiking trips, etc.
- Positive relationship with my husband
- Positive relationship with my children
- Time to spend with my family
- Mindfulness
My list is more extensive but I believe these hit the main points. Others are items that can probably fit into the above. I can honestly say that it takes ongoing work to hit these 6 points in day-to-day living. How easy it is to become distracted by the Worries - money; my eldest son's academic/emotional/social functioning; the little one's current defiance as he strives for independence (our little wild child); the time my husband spends working to support us.
Thankfully, perspective helps turn Worries into Workable. I can usually, with a bit of self talk or a bike ride or watching the antics of my sons or a check-in with my husband, wrap those concerns into a smaller manageable package.
Okay, what's next? I'm not too sure yet but I bet it will be something to do with those 6 points. Or with bicycles. Did I mention I really like bikes?
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