I spent a bit of this past week thinking about the phrase I have to... and what that really means. It isn't necessarily the imperative that the word have might suggest. For me, I have to... usually means I want to... or I am going to... A big one for me these days is the sentence I have to take my bike. I say this before going to the store, as I walk out the door to ride with my son to school, as I pedal in the rain. The truth though - I could take the bus or even my car that I pretend I no longer own.
I have heard it said that words have power. I believe this to be true. So creating a life that fosters and nourishes my beliefs requires me to take a look at those beliefs, to examine if what I do fits with them, and even to examine my language.
There really isn't anything wrong with saying I have to... but often I would do better to say I want to... or I choose to... Choice is powerful. Thoughtful choice requires intention and mindfulness. Saying I have to... implies obligation; I choose to... creates freedom.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Friday, September 5, 2008
Biking In The Rain With The One I Love
So I woke up this morning to the sound of pouring rain. My first thought - well, I guess we'll take the car to school. Second thought - or we could ride... My son does say he wants to ride in all weather and I am pretending there is no car sitting outside waiting for us to hop in.
I figure that rain riding has plenty of similarity to snow riding - precipitation, slippery roads, drivers so stressed about the weather they pay even less attention to bikes, the need to dress appropriately. People who do notice you thinking you are nuts. Especially if you have kids with you.
Morning went great. It wasn't raining too hard. My older son thought it was okay. I had to take the 2 y.o. on this rain trip, too. I strapped him in his seat (in front of me) and then zipped a rain jacket around him and the seat. It worked great! Hat with brim under his helmet, jacket hood on the outside. When we got home he kept saying "rain fun. ride ride. play rain." Atta boy...wait until he sees riding in snow.
My midday ride was a bit rainier so I decided to try riding in a poncho. I have toyed with the idea for a while. Advantages....most definitely helped keep the sweating down. I was as comfortable as I would have been on a dry ride for the day's temperature. Also, no water pooling on the jacket in my lap. I ride pretty upright with this bike so pooling sometimes happens with a jacket. And my poncho is smurf blue -- I was so noticeable to everyone.
Late day ride was pouring. Poncho still worked fine for my upper body but my legs got a bit wetter higher up due to side openings in the poncho. My little one still had fun. He was so not bothered by the rain he even fell asleep. He slouched a bit to the side and rested his head on my arm which was not so comfy for me but seemed perfect for him.
All in all, a good day. The kids seems okay with riding in inclement weather. And that had been my concern. So I am happy to think maybe I can get back to all-weather riding. And I only missed the car a little bit. I did have some moments of thinking this is miserable but then I remembered that even folks in cars tend to be miserable on rainy days. And the traffic slows them down much more than it slows me.
My poor lonely car - I hope somebody buys her soon.
I figure that rain riding has plenty of similarity to snow riding - precipitation, slippery roads, drivers so stressed about the weather they pay even less attention to bikes, the need to dress appropriately. People who do notice you thinking you are nuts. Especially if you have kids with you.
Morning went great. It wasn't raining too hard. My older son thought it was okay. I had to take the 2 y.o. on this rain trip, too. I strapped him in his seat (in front of me) and then zipped a rain jacket around him and the seat. It worked great! Hat with brim under his helmet, jacket hood on the outside. When we got home he kept saying "rain fun. ride ride. play rain." Atta boy...wait until he sees riding in snow.
My midday ride was a bit rainier so I decided to try riding in a poncho. I have toyed with the idea for a while. Advantages....most definitely helped keep the sweating down. I was as comfortable as I would have been on a dry ride for the day's temperature. Also, no water pooling on the jacket in my lap. I ride pretty upright with this bike so pooling sometimes happens with a jacket. And my poncho is smurf blue -- I was so noticeable to everyone.
Late day ride was pouring. Poncho still worked fine for my upper body but my legs got a bit wetter higher up due to side openings in the poncho. My little one still had fun. He was so not bothered by the rain he even fell asleep. He slouched a bit to the side and rested his head on my arm which was not so comfy for me but seemed perfect for him.
All in all, a good day. The kids seems okay with riding in inclement weather. And that had been my concern. So I am happy to think maybe I can get back to all-weather riding. And I only missed the car a little bit. I did have some moments of thinking this is miserable but then I remembered that even folks in cars tend to be miserable on rainy days. And the traffic slows them down much more than it slows me.
My poor lonely car - I hope somebody buys her soon.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
A Bit of History
I guess the best place to start is with a bit of history.
My eldest son was born nearly 16 years ago. At that time, I was working full time and scrambling to make ends meet. I worked for a while and then decided to go to graduate school. I worked throughout grad school too. Always working outside of the home, always doing work I enjoyed. All in all, I was one very busy gal. I both loved and hated it. It felt great to be in the career world but I missed the opportunity to be home with my son. And he really could have benefited from my being home. He has always been a wonderful child with a great sensitivity and wonder at the beauty of the world. He also has some pretty severe learning issues that impact his life every day.
Now I know I am leaving out much detail but let's just fast forward to Winter 2005. We (my husband and I) found out we were going to have a baby. How exciting, how terrifying. Just like the first time around for me when I learned I was pregnant...excited and terrified. The issues this time around were different of course; 14 years of experience as a parent (both single and married) provides great perspective and nuance to one's world view.
The issues of 16 years ago - generating income, being a mom, raising a child, creating/maintaining a career - were not quite the issues for child number 2. With this pregnancy I was able to think about what is important to me and my family. Driving 1 1/2 to 2 hours one way for work and then working a 9-10 hour day before returning home exhausted lost all its appeal. How could I do such a thing to my not-yet-born child? We couldn't. Once he was born I just never returned to work.
Perhaps I should list a few of the things on the "Important to Me and My Family" list:
My eldest son was born nearly 16 years ago. At that time, I was working full time and scrambling to make ends meet. I worked for a while and then decided to go to graduate school. I worked throughout grad school too. Always working outside of the home, always doing work I enjoyed. All in all, I was one very busy gal. I both loved and hated it. It felt great to be in the career world but I missed the opportunity to be home with my son. And he really could have benefited from my being home. He has always been a wonderful child with a great sensitivity and wonder at the beauty of the world. He also has some pretty severe learning issues that impact his life every day.
Now I know I am leaving out much detail but let's just fast forward to Winter 2005. We (my husband and I) found out we were going to have a baby. How exciting, how terrifying. Just like the first time around for me when I learned I was pregnant...excited and terrified. The issues this time around were different of course; 14 years of experience as a parent (both single and married) provides great perspective and nuance to one's world view.
The issues of 16 years ago - generating income, being a mom, raising a child, creating/maintaining a career - were not quite the issues for child number 2. With this pregnancy I was able to think about what is important to me and my family. Driving 1 1/2 to 2 hours one way for work and then working a 9-10 hour day before returning home exhausted lost all its appeal. How could I do such a thing to my not-yet-born child? We couldn't. Once he was born I just never returned to work.
Perhaps I should list a few of the things on the "Important to Me and My Family" list:
- Good health
- Lifestyle inclusive of physical activity...aikido, bicycling, running, hiking trips, etc.
- Positive relationship with my husband
- Positive relationship with my children
- Time to spend with my family
- Mindfulness
My list is more extensive but I believe these hit the main points. Others are items that can probably fit into the above. I can honestly say that it takes ongoing work to hit these 6 points in day-to-day living. How easy it is to become distracted by the Worries - money; my eldest son's academic/emotional/social functioning; the little one's current defiance as he strives for independence (our little wild child); the time my husband spends working to support us.
Thankfully, perspective helps turn Worries into Workable. I can usually, with a bit of self talk or a bike ride or watching the antics of my sons or a check-in with my husband, wrap those concerns into a smaller manageable package.
Okay, what's next? I'm not too sure yet but I bet it will be something to do with those 6 points. Or with bicycles. Did I mention I really like bikes?
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