Vicious Cycle

Wow. I just took the time to actually look at my riding. Seems I am in a slump. To go from 50 plus miles per week to the piddly amount I am at the past two weeks. I can feel it too. Funny how I love to be out on my bike so much but lately I have just felt the need to hibernate. I must admit that the approach of winter always brings a bit of a drag into my life. Too much darkness, not enough light. For all that I am a night creature, I do need sunshine during the daytime hours.

So I think of the vicious cycle I face this time of year. It is darker, more grey, a bit dreary so I don't ride so much. I don't ride so much and then I feel even less like getting outside. When I worked outside the home it was easy to combat this...I needed to get to my job...pedal pedal pedal and I feel fine. Now though, I don't have all that many places I need to go. Lets see, there is the grocery store and aikido class.

I guess my challenge for this winter season will be to find reasons to get out on the bike every day. I know it will help my mood, keep me fit, bring me that feeling of freedom I so very much crave....funny how those things aren't always that motivating.

The approach of Autumn each year brings with it a time of reflection for me. Some folks say they get tuned in with springtime and new growth. I like the Fall though. Trees turning into rainbows of greens, reds, oranges, and yellows. Crisp cool mornings with the warmth of the day coming in late afternoon. I like how the season eases into what will become the cold of winter. I enjoy how the crispness of the air during this season wakes me up.

I recently returned from a week away from home. I came back feeling crabby, ill-at-ease, and "stuck." I spent a few days feeling as if my being stuck was about not knowing what to write here. It was during one of my daily rides, on a cool sunny day, that I was hit with the more accurate perception that I was feeling stuck in my daily life and that is what caused my mental blank.

How thankful and grateful I am that I can get outdoors and exercise. Physical movement always helps me get my mind back on track and often brings clarity of perception and thought. These days riding my bike is the exercise, occasionally it is my aikido training, once upon it was running. Regardless of the form of movement, I know that it helps me be healthy and strong. It gives a chance for reflection and a pause from the busy-ness that comes with being wife, mother, individual.

"Have to..."

I spent a bit of this past week thinking about the phrase I have to... and what that really means. It isn't necessarily the imperative that the word have might suggest. For me, I have to... usually means I want to... or I am going to... A big one for me these days is the sentence I have to take my bike. I say this before going to the store, as I walk out the door to ride with my son to school, as I pedal in the rain. The truth though - I could take the bus or even my car that I pretend I no longer own.

I have heard it said that words have power. I believe this to be true. So creating a life that fosters and nourishes my beliefs requires me to take a look at those beliefs, to examine if what I do fits with them, and even to examine my language.

There really isn't anything wrong with saying I have to... but often I would do better to say I want to... or I choose to... Choice is powerful. Thoughtful choice requires intention and mindfulness. Saying I have to... implies obligation; I choose to... creates freedom.